The Great Divide

When you get into a relationship with someone or you start a friendship you never think about the end of it. At least not when things are good anyways. The more relationships develop, the more invested you get. With your feelings and time and whatever else you feel you’ve contributed. Relationships are hard in general. You have two different people coming together as one. Let’s just talk about the platonic relationships today because Lord knows the romantic relationships are a beast of their own. 


Okay, so let’s say you have a friend and you’re thinking thick and thin I got your back through everything. Well what happens when you hold up your end of the deal but it never seems to be reciprocated quite the way you put out. It gets a little frustrating a times, but hey, everyone does things differently. People process the same situation in completely different ways. And closed mouths don’t get fed. My mom always drilled into my head, “You teach people how to treat you” and this is still an extremely hard lesson for me. I hate coming off as the bitch, but me asserting myself doesn’t make me a bitch. 


Navigating your twenties is hard enough with you not knowing what you’re doing with your life, your bank account blowing out cobwebs, the love life is all over the place, and your friends just don’t seem as interested as they once were. It’s really easy to feel alone and take whatever friendship you can get sometimes. But how do you know when you’ve outgrown a friendship or if you just aren’t trying hard enough? And if you have outgrown the friendship, how do you let it go without their being this huge explosion? 


Well as it turns out, I’m the queen of explosions and have no idea. Losing a close friend is so much harder than losing a partner. If you’re like me, you treat friendship as the family you get to choose. I know a lot of people, but I only have a handful of actual friends. The older I’m getting the more I’m watching that handful get significantly smaller. A friend to me is someone who has really seen and been there in the trenches of this shit show called life. Sure you have your party buds, that you can call for a good time. But they’re no good for the heavy stuff. The friends who you can call when things get heavy, but don’t necessarily mesh so well in the party world. And then there are the floaters. The people who don’t really fit anywhere and they always find their way back when they need to. I’ve always been the floater and more attracted to the party friends. But the problem with that is I was trying to make them be the heavy duty friends as well. Some people just aren’t built for that, and that’s okay


Growing apart from someone you once talked to more than you talked to yourself, to not even getting a text sucks ass. HARD. But it happens. That’s when you have to really check yourself and see if this is something worth saving, and if it’s also you who hasn’t reached out also. Relationships are a two way street. Relationships should be work but they shouldn’t be hard. I’m understanding this more and more everyday. I should probably get that tattooed on my chest or something. And sometimes if you’re unsure, just take a step back and see if that person steps up. If they don’t it’s time to make some decisions. And saying goodbye to a friend doesn’t always have to be this huge ordeal. Sometimes it’s slowly but surely falling back until how close things once were is just a distant memory. Relationships are hard, man. It’s hard to love on yourself the way you want to love on others and to also get that back in return.